The 88th Oscar Part I

By: Emily Weber

Chris Rock though. This opening made me laugh, it made me cry. So smart and so on point.

Best Screen Play: Spotlight

J: I do not care.

C: Spotlight

E: Spotlight

 

Best Adapted Screen play winner: The Big Short.

J: The Big Short

C: The Big Short. For all the creative devices used.

E: Room. For not making a child narrator cheesy.

 

Best Supporting Actress: Alicia Vikander— and she takes the award with a bomb dress.

J: Vikander.

C: Kate Winslet

E: Joanna Hoffman for being a #BossBitch. Or Kate Winslet for playing her in Steve Jobs.

 

Costume Design: Mad Max

J: Carol.

C: Mad Max.

E: Carol. Having not seen Mad Max, when the costume designer got up and said #ItCouldHappen my heart stopped. I don’t know what this film is about, but seeing the trailer, I hope it could not.

 

Production Design: Mad Max.

J: Carol. Totally immersive.

C: Mad Max

E: Carol.

#TinaFeyHasBeenDrinking

Bridge of Spies was awful, IMO. I hope it wins zero awards.

E: How is there a category for Hairstyling but not for Stunts? Let’s get this straight Oscars 2017.

C: There, there Bernice del Toro. #TooDrunkForThisShit

 

Cinematography: The Revenant

C:  Sciario. My only complaint about the Revenant is that it could have been more welly-lit 😉

J: Sciario.

E: I don’t see these kinds of films.

C: We probably shouldn’t even use film, we should just use cave paintings. Don’t light anything. Don’t even use a camera.

 

Best Editing: Mad Max

J:

C:

E: My ballot has won every award so far. Thanks Gold Derby.

THE MINIONS AREN’T EVEN NOMINATED FOR ANYTHING. WHY ARE THEY HERE.

J: Han Solo has known Chewy for 50 years and he’s never once wanted to try the cross bow before?

 

To wrap up Part I: Getting through the first stage of awards… is taking a few bottles of champagne.

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